it's a little bit ridiculous how much things change when you give yourself sufficient time away.

i am a much different person now than my last post marks. and that's a good thing.

i suppose i am growing up because i no longer want to write about boys (although this new one is something definitely worthwhile, worth keeping) and about how sad i am. those things should be kept for real life, not immortalized on the internet.

still not quite mature, though, as evidenced by the fact that i can't go a sentence without the word 'i' being the focal point. eventually, i'll get to the point where i can think and speak about things other than myself.

life is constantly reassuring myself that things will be okay. worrying over things i have no control over. pacifying myself in order to soften the impact of the eventual blow. maybe that's what this is all about.

goodness, eventually to end in sadness, all things must. the most important thing is how we deal with the change.

it's been a while.

this has come to be nothing more than an online bitching forum for me. maybe i'll change that.

but i'm at college now. it's great in some ways, not so great in others. i'm still struggling with finding my comfort here, as well as missing everyone and everything imaginable. Ben came to visit for this past weekend, which was so wonderful. i'm hoping to get out to BG and stay with him soon.

fjkjhdkagkhagkhadg.

this is all so trite.

scratch that.

desperate and sad, but i don't want to be that girl.

i like you, and i'm happy. i wish i could have gone as your date to your family graduation party. 
i can't wait to see you when i get home. :)

wow, it's been a long time.

college coming up soon; new living space with a roommate, friends, plenty of firsts, etc.
but then there's summer to live and enjoy, still.

and you? we're great as friends. we'd be great as only friends, except for the inevitable sexual tension that just won't go away. we can talk to each other and laugh and hang out comfortably. all that's wrong is we can't seem to tell the whole truth or stop the need to make out. it will be okay. i will be detached, the first time i'll stop myself from putting my whole heart in. you've got to make an effort too, though. don't let me be the desperate one who always has to call, because god knows i was that girl and you broke my heart anyway, which was a jerk move. let's just have fun and see where this goes.

things are good, when i stop to look around. poetry-writing recently (three poems, some more shitty than others), ben&jerry's challenge in 20 minutes flat, and a leonardo dicaprio movie. a busy day planned for tomorrow, and maybe you'll care enough to be part of it. maybe not. i've got my own life, i'd just like you to play a small cameo role.

Secret?

There are too many secrets.
The truth is that I don't fucking care about your 'problems,' because I know you don't care about mine.